Am I having a mental breakdown?

I'm 32 and really feeling crazy. I'm a divorced single mother who desires to maintain friendships but always end up alienating myself and I'm really not sure why. On top of that I'm not certain that I can communicate effectively to my children. I realize most people's advice will be to just open up and talk but it's not as easy for me because I get a nervous feeling in my stomach and speak in a whispered tone because I don't want to draw attention to myself but end up looking crazy because whoever I try to talk to ends up asking me what did u say or what was that. When that happens I'll go ahead and tell them what I said but close up for the entire day saying nothing. I scheduled to speak with someone at Mental Health to check if I might need medication although my family doesn't think I need this but I'm afraid if I keep this up that things could get worst. I've always been kind of quiet but at my age it seems to me that I would have become better. I'm certain that part of my issue is depression that keeps me feeling off balance but it's hard for me to believe that medication will cause me to be any different, what if it makes me really crazy. Sometimes I feel like I would be better off dead but I'm not suicidal. I tried to commit suicide after I had my son because at the time I thought my then husband was cheating on me and I was also struggling with the same anxiety I have now with socializing. After having my stomach pumped & regaining consciousness I knew how selfish it would have been had I succeeded. Seeing the disappointed looks on my families face gave me the assurance that I would never attempt or think of killing myself again- I had thoughts of dieing but always remember that experience that keeps me from re-attempting. The behavioral facility that I was committed to for 72 hours found that I was suffering from postpartum depression. I didn't maintain any counseling after that because it's too expensive but I was able to get through it although I continued to have anger management issues as it relates to my children and my ex-husband. I would get physically & verbally abusive towards my daughter when she was doing homework because in a crazy way I just thought she should be smart, which she is, to understand what she needed to master on different assignments she would bring home but now I realize that I just don't have the knack of explaining things well and that I've always been the problem. I felt bad after screaming at her and hitting her for being too scared to even respond to my questions that I would try to get her to answer in effort to make sure that she really understood what her assignment was for. It's hard to explain but I see myself in her and I want her to be different & better than me. I am the daughter of a minister and I was raised in a household that was devoted to Biblical principals such as not sparing the rod when it comes to disciplining your children. I plead guilty to a charge of cruelty to juvenile after she was turned in to child services by her then first grade teacher for bruises that appeared on her after I whipped her with a belt for acting disrespectful to that same teacher who suggested that I put a paddle to her for her misbehavior in class that day (Everyday I live to regret listening to him and taking her straight home from school that day to whip her). I have a felony now and know I won't be able to get a good job if I should lose the position that I currently hold. I regret all these things and I know I need to just let it go and be better. I suppose because I've had so many embarrassing things to happen in my life that I don't want to get too close to anyone to let them know (it's none of their business right?). I've had two girlfriends that I talked to but they don't know all these details that I'm including but I've told them about my charge & even my suicide attempt. I always tend to make light of things by declaring that I was going through this or that (which I was) but it's obvious that I have some sort of mental issue right? Who in their right mind would have these sort of things in their past? I'm a mess and don't know what to do. I won't be surprise if the responses will be to do everyone a favor & just kill myself but I'm hoping someone out there can give me some hope that this might be a mental issue that can be cured. Please help me find some hope.