I broke up with my boyfriend, and during it lost my cool over txt?

and in some ways it was mutual, but I felt guilty about it for days, so I sent him a msg apologizing for loosing my cool with him, and to wish him a happy 4/20.I really loved and cared for this man, but he wasn't treating me right and I was very unhappy and he kept putting off seeing me for 3 weeks almost, and I just got fed up and ended it with him as I couldn't handle it, especially dealing with other things i'm my life i'm trying to figure out, and he never responded to my apology. The first time we broke up, we became friends afterwards, and then got back together. I'm still sad about everything and it's not like I want to be back with that, it was awful, but amazing at times too, but I don't want him to be mad at me or hate me. What should I do? Should I txt him or leave it at that and if he comes back to me, it's meant to be that we be in eachothers lives? it's just hard holding it all in, when in some ways I know speaking to him right now probably wouldn't be good for me anyways, I want closure in a positive way. I wish I was able to do it in person, but he wouldn't come see me! and I got impatient. helpp!! I've been like down in the dumps over it and I don't wanna be sad nemore :(